Saturday, 3 September 2011

Mister Rhys Mysteries, Case #9: Atlantis!

It is a recorded fact that water takes up at least 5% of the earth's surface, but that we know less about the ocean's depths than we do about space and aliens and the future. We know that there are fish in it, and sea 'mammals', and Nazi submarines, and some think there is pollution in it, but what about people?

There are loads of humans living on land - surely, logically, this means that there must also be people living underwater? (And I don't mean animals that supposedly think like people, like dolphins and mermaids, I mean actual human beings.) It just stands to reason.

Well Plato thought so too, so he made up presented his findings on the matter thousands of years ago, when he told us the history of Atlantis, which is an island that was as big as Libya and Asia combined, which sank into the water and became lost. He doesn't mention that the people quickly involved into sea dwellers, capable of breathing underwater and of surviving the crushing pressure of the ocean depths, but it is implied.

So what have the Atlanteans been doing in the last few millennia? And what do they look like?

There are theories, mostly in comics.

Well, as all conspiracy theorists worth their salt (water - ha!) are aware, there is no such thing as coincidence. Clearly, there are two things that unite the disparate images of sea-dwelling people: a green and gold colour scheme, and forks.

'But surely gold and green just go with water blues!' I hear cynics cry.  'And the forks are tridents, inspired by the Poseidon myth!'

The sad thing about such cynics is their unquestioning and smug belief that theirs is the only opinion that matters. They won't ever believe the theory I'm about to posit. But think about it... think about it.

So, gold and green, what does that remind you of?

Capitalism, perhaps? Imperialism, maybe? Greed?

And what about the fork? Well, that just goes without saying...
Ever heard of Sodom and Gomorrah? This, in my theory, is the fate that befell the Atlanteans. They were an avaricious race, and the seas ate them up as punishment. Strangely, though, they survived, and lived on... just underwater. Maybe they learnt their lesson?

There have been a number of hunts for Atlantis, notably by the notoriously gullible Nazi party. Nothing has come up, per se, but one can't discount popular culture entirely from telling the truth that is yet to be uncovered.

Atlantis exists; we just haven't looked in the right place yet.


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