Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Mister Rhys Mystery, Case #3: The Black Sheep

I have noticed a worrying trend in the newspapers. Unlike my previous posts, this is not a question of existence, because the proof there is incontrovertible, but a question of why? And, more worryingly, a question of where this is leading.

I am, of course, talking about the evil ovis, The Black Sheep.

(Just as a side note, when I say black, I don't mean the colour, I mean the evilness. This is in no way a racial thing, as the sheep in question are predominantly whiteish.)

The signs have been there for quite some time. I am about to show you some quite shocking examples and then I shall explain the dire consequences. Brace yourselves.

It started with Human Face Lamb:

Then there was Dog Lamb:

And then, most recent (and worrying) of all, Flying Sheep:

This pattern is clear. Those with their head in the sand would have you believe that these are individual cases, unrelated to each other, just one-off mutations, coincidence or pranks, but these people are wrong. This is my theory:

It's well known by just about anyone who's ever read a book (which I have), that those who are bullied will, eventually, go on to become bullies themselves. This is psychological fact. Now, think about the sheep throughout the ages. Let me see, there's:
  • Humans killing and eating them
  • Occult sacrifice (like in the Bible)
  • Humans cloning them against their will
  • And stealing their milk to make sub-par diary
  • The wolves, and big cats, that are always having a maul
So, you can agree that they might, as a species, feel a little bit annoyed. So we've established a motive, but what on earth is going on? Ever heard of Cross Species Mimicry? Possibly not, as I just coined the term, but it works something like this.

Tired of being messed around all these years, the sheep have decided to fight back. But how? Well, they've learned how to simulate the appearance and gifts of other species, presumably in order to begin a stealth attack on humanity. Admittedly, I am unsure of the science of this, but in the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum, 'life finds a way.'

They could be any one of us.

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