Thursday, 30 June 2011

Mister Rhys Mystery, Case #4: The Bermuda Triangle

Triangles. Eh? They're the strongest shape. They make perfect formations. You put two together and suddenly you have a star (of David). It's the shape for all men: for brainy academics, and for people who like sport (snooker). It makes cheese tastier. It makes chocolate tastier. You put two together and you can fastforward. It makes music creepy.

It was only a matter of time.

Before December 1945, nobody had even heard of Bermuda. Even Bermuda shorts were the proverbial ugly sister, to Hawaii's Cinderella shirt.

'Bermuda?' the people would say. 'I think you're thinking of Barbuda.'

'No,' said the people's friend who'd originally heard of Bermuda, 'you're thinking of Barbados.'

And so the bickering would commence and, in the end, nobody would even remember where the conversation began. It began with Bermuda.

But in December 1945, Flight 19, five torpedo bombers on a routine training flight from Florida went missing. There were 14 experienced flying men between the planes and not one of them was ever seen again. It's thought that their navigation equipment went mysteriously awry and something something something BERMUDA TRIANGLE. This was confounded by the rescue boat plane, carrying 13 people, which also went missing mysteriously.

It appears that the Bermuda Triangle has the ability to disrupt electronics, to sking ships, take down planes, and to hide the evidence. And over the years, various mysterious happenings such as Flight 19 have been occurring, right under our noses, and no amount of technology or common sense have been able to uncover the reasons why.
Until now.

My opening paragraph was not just beautiful poetry, it was a series of examples of the mysterious and dangerous phenomena surrounding triangles. It's no coincidence that the Bermuda Triangle begins in Miami, the home of the bikini, an unholy trinity of triangles:

And I'm sure San Juan and Bermuda have their equivalents, though I will leave that discovery to the scientists. The fact is this:

Triangles are evil.

My advice? Destroy the triangles. Every last one of them. You'd be safest destroying any straight edge or corner, if I'm honest. Get a sander, or some sandpaper (you will need lots). When, and I mean when, the time comes... you will be grateful that you did.


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